Obama Pushes New $1 Trillion Flyer’s Stimulus Bill. Touts Millions Of Lives Saved Or Created By His Airline Rules

Obama, in a press conference from Hawaii, revealed how his actions have saved or created millions of airline travelers lives in the past year as well as revealed his new Flyer’s Stimulus Bill.

“Our hard work in 2009 has created a system that worked, saving or creating millions of flyers every month.  Hold on… FORE!!!”, Obama said, from the 12th hole on the lovely Kaneohe Klipper golf course.  “As we all know, this potential ‘man-made disaster’ was prevented by my administration, which required a person’s birthday before he would be able to get a ticket to the US.”

When asked about the hero on the plane who stopped the bomber from his actions, Obama politely reminded the reporter “this is about my administration, about me.”  He also stated that the full power of the justice system would be put into action to prosecute this flyer who illegally restrained and attacked this Muslim.  “We must respect Muslims.  Stealing his igniter, although is may have prevented his underwear from accidentally exploding, is unacceptable and racist.”

Later, Obama answered questions about his “lives saved or created”, he explained, in vague terms that millions of people fly every month and the “mile-high club”.  Since people are known to sneak into the bathroom to have sex, every female passenger is counted as 1.3 lives saved because there is a chance she might get pregnant.

Discussing his proposed Flyer’s Stimulus program, Obama had this to say “We need this money right now, or many people will die horrible deaths due to ‘man-made disasters’ caused by the Bush administration.  We don’t have time to set up oversight or read the bill.  We need this money now.”

When asked for details, Obama yelled “Look, racist conservatives!” and rode away towards the 13th green in Golf Cart One.